What is this I don't even
by insanedairyfarmer
Summary: Crack!fic. Stella/Shannon, mixed with Hero Lawson, a city of thieves, and a dumbass medieval setting.


**Originally meant for another purpose, but I was convinced to post it as a fic...**

WARNING! Contains much crack.

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><p>Once upon a time... *is tackled by Stella*<p>

"Better?"

"Much better." Shannon emerged from a shadowed corner. "Now what?"

"Well, I'm pretty sure that we were about to get dragged into a fairytale."

"Hah, well, you are my 'Prince Charming', Stel."

Stella smirked. "I can deal with that." She crouched down low and helped the clueless author up. "Proceed."

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><p>Once upon a time, in a faraway land, lived a beautiful princess named Shannon. Many suitors came to her father's castle, offering him riches beyond belief, so that they may take his daughter's hand in marriage.<p>

But Shannon's father was always sure that his 'beloved' daughter should always be happy. So when a handsome, charming, dark haired hero named Lawson arrived one day, the King decided that Shannon would be happy with him, and gave his permission for them to wed.

However, Shannon was not happy. But she pretended to be, so her father would be pleased.

When she became Lawson's bride (*stops to vomit*) and he took her to his bed, she tried to convince herself that she would be happy. Lawson was a wonderful man, but something about him just wasn't right. She hoped, at the very least, that she would become friends with him.

Two weeks after the wedding ceremony, Lawson and Shannon were travelling back to the hero's castle, when they were set upon by a band of robbers, let by a duo of dark-haired women.

Lawson and his right-hand man, Joshua, attempted to beat back the robbers. They were successful, however at a price: the beautiful Princess Shannon had been captured and taken away.

Shannon was blindfolded by her captors and taken to a city of thieves. There, the blindfold was removed, and she was astounded. The city people were not trying to beat and rob each other, as she had so often seen in her home county. They traded and gambled peacefully.

The amazed Princess was then taken to her captor's fort. There, she met the dark-haired women from about four paragraphs ago. One was named Kerry, and she had hair the colour of cocoa beans and sunbeams. The second was named Stella. Stella had beautiful dark hair and skin, and grey eyes to match a storm cloud. Shannon fell for her almost instantly.

In the weeks that passed, Shannon and Stella began to spend more and more time together. One afternoon, they were strolling through the city streets, when an alarm bell sounded. Stella insisted on climbing the walls to get a better look.

On the horizon was a vast army of swordsmen, mounted knights and siege engines. At their head rode the hero Lawson, Joshua, and their retainers Christian and Michael. Stella swore and swiftly climbed back down to the ground.

"Shannon, my love, I fear the worst is ahead. Your husband's army is moving on the city."

"I will not loose you." To Stella's surprise, Shannon pulled her into an embrace, and the thief and the princess shared their first kiss.

Above them, the war drums sounded, and the thief city's troops rallied. Ragged bands of pikemen and men-at-arms organised themselves into platoons. Six siege engineers, lead by the faithful Dominic and the trustworthy Leon, prepared bastilla and catapults for the enemy's arrival.

Stella and Shannon withdrew to the fort, prepared to defend if needed. Kerry and her sub-commander, Grace, organised troops and supplies, readying themselves for a siege.

The city's defences were in no way superior to the siege engines of Lawson, and so were quickly breached. Soldiers flooded the city, slaughtering all in their path, until only the fort was secure.

"Shannon, you must escape. There is a tunnel-"

"Stella, no. I will stay by your side," Shannon picked up Stella's hand and gently kissed her knuckles "forever."

As the soldiers flooded the fort's gate and quickly broke in, Stella and Shannon stood their ground, fighting off their enemies. Stella wielded twin daggers, and Shannon grasped a staff made of birch, tipped with a blade of bronze.

The two held off their attackers for some time, until Lawson himself entered the hall where the two women fought desperately, and shouted a command for all to stop fighting.

"Shannon. You were taken from me, yet you fight for your captors? What is this madness?"

"Lawson, I have finally found true love."

Lawson mulled over this for a moment. "Even though I've spent countless gold on troops and actually paying to marry you, I'm happy to leave you here with this... wench." He turned stiffly and left the room, followed closely by Joshua and the remaining soldiers.

And they all lived happily ever after blah blah blah.

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><p>"Wait, what?"<br>"Yeah! What happens next?"  
>"Nothing, because you live happily. ever. after. That just means that you had six kids and ruled the world."<p>

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><p><strong>I just realized that this is the 50th StellaShannon story in the archive. *pulls out party poppers and streamers* **

**Thank you to everyone who's posted Stel/Shan fics, you've all brightened up this place that little bit more. :)**


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